Stress management is a key aspect of our wellness experience. As a holistic health educator and wellness coach, I have learned our ability to manage stress is greatly impacted by four things - emotional management, relationship management, physical disease (think gut-brain connection), and mental illness which predisposes some of us to the negative effects of stress.

In this article, I want to unpack the role emotional management plays in our overall well-being. We must verse adopt an awareness or intelligence of our inner emotional world as well as the emotions of those we interact with. Emotional intelligence is not the same as emotional regulation. It is an entirely different skill to be able to recognize an emotion as it arises AND be able to process it and manage it effectively. Regulating our emotions looks like practicing self-control and utilizing communication and self-care tools to help process emotions in a healthy way. This also looks like holding space and responding to the emotions of others in a respectful and compassionate way that supports their well-being.

Let’s unpack three core emotions - anger, fear, and sadness - and ways to handle these strong emotions by surrendering them to a loving God.

Do not fear.

Feelings of anxiety are often derived from a perceived lack of control in a situation and the fear of the unknown. We can practice gently shifting our thoughts and perspective to be mindful that God is in control. We should rest in God’s wisdom and sovereignty. In his omniscient and magnificent power, we are in much better hands when he is leading the outcome than when we are trying to white knuckle our way through life’s circumstances.

The Bible is clear that the only fear we should have is a healthy fear of God. The Hebrew phrase for "fear of the Lord" is yirat Adonai. The word yirah can be translated as "fear" or "awe" in the Bible. It can also mean respect, reverence, or worship. The Bible is also clear that we should avoid unhealthy fear that is rooted in doubting God’s power and goodness. In order to surrender our outcomes to God and live by faith and not by sight, we must continue to study God’s words so that we can truly know him and more easily place our trust in him.

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

To dispel the effects of fear (racing thoughts, increased heart rate, shallow breathing, etc.) we can remember to 1) pause to pray when we are feeling anxious, 2) practice deep breathing, and 3) engage in positive self-talk with simple mantras founded on biblical truth. In the long game having a good sleep schedule, exercising regularly, and eating an anti-inflammatory diet also contribute to decreased symptoms of anxiety.

In order for us to experience God’s peace more fully we must surrender problems to him and put our faith in Jesus Christ. Phillipians 4:6 -7 “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your mind in Christ Jesus.” This means are peace is found in Jesus. We can adopt an eternal mindset knowing His finished work on the cross is all we need to be in relationship with an almighty God who loves us and protects our best interest - and regardless of any short-term suffering caused by sin here on earth, we are promised an eternity of joy as co-heirs with Christ in heaven.

Jeremiah 17:7-8 “But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”

Do not hold on to anger.

In Brant Hansen’s book Unoffendable, he discussed the role of anger in the life of a believer. Anger can look like:

you are quick to judge,
you are easy to offend, and
you are slow to forgive.

We have been told a lie that anger is a righteous stance when looking upon injustice. The saying, “If you’re not angry, your not paying attention” gets thrown around when discussing unfortunate worldly affairs. However, anger isn’t typically correlated with righteous acts to address injustice. In fact, if any action is derived from anger, it often leads to divisiveness, strained relationships, and even violence.

Anger is never righteous and is not a fruit of the spirit. In fact it is in direct opposition to love, joy, peace, and gentleness and can impede our ability to exhibit forbearance, kindness, and self-control. If you experience anger and feel it is difficult to maintain patience, right speech, and self-control then it is best for you to excuse yourself from a situation in order to remove the trigger and dissipate your anger through modalities like physical exercise, deep breathing, journaling, prayer, music therapy, or a cold shower. Then when you have returned to a calm state you can make a plan to establish and communicate clear boundaries in order to help reduce a future outbreak of anger.

Anger doesn’t lead to right action. Anger, when harbored, just causes hurt. In the words of Martin Luther King Jr., “You must not harbor anger. You must be willing to suffer the anger of the opponent, and yet not return in anger.” This isn’t the easy route but it is what we are called to do as followers of Christ. In the sermon on the mount Jesus acknowledges the commandment “Do not murder” and says that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister is just as guilty as one who murders. As Christians we are not to hate other or to talk badly about them. We must pray and ask God to help us forgive others easily and to see others and love others the way he does; for they, like us, are his children created in his image.

Just as fear requires us to surrender our needs to God, anger requires us to surrender the responsibility of justice to God. If we fully trust that the Lord is just we can stop trying to condemn those who commit sin in our midst. While we should not condone unbiblical behavior, it is our job is to love everyone unconditionally and be like Christ to them so that we lead them to salvation and repentance.

Find comfort amid sadness.

We are so fortunate that our God is a god of comfort. In this fallen world, we will experience suffering and sadness due to sin, illness, and disappointment. Jesus tells us in John 16:20, “You will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy.” We can see this in the disciples’ experience when Jesus was crucified - they mourned for him while others rejoiced in his death. When Jesus rose from the grave and the disciples learned what his death and resurrection meant for their salvation and the new covenant their was great rejoicing.

Even in our sadness, we have the hope of Jesus to carry us and give us strength to endure our circumstances. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

When we experience great sadness, grief, or depression, we should stay close to God studying his word and praying to God for relief from our loneliness and anguish. God can revive a crushed spirit when we are in fellowship with him and he can provide a community of believers to bolster us in times of need. We can seek God’s wisdom and blessing to create and foster healthy relationships that bring us encouragement, comfort, strength, and joy. We must rest in God’s promises and in his timing while he nurtures our spirit in his presence.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4